The personal vs the political
...feminism should be focused on real change and helping women. I've seen so much written this year about the dilemma of being a feminist who wants to get married that I don't think I can take it any more From We Mixed Our Drinks
Reading this blog post over at We Mixed Our Drinks really hit a nerve with me. Primarily because I have written about such a dilemma in recent times in Subtext magazine and online. Secondly, because it does seem that some feminist thought is moving away from the personal being political. Of course I agree that feminism should be focused on real change and on helping women but it's not always conceivable to be involved in such grand gestures which may promote this. Yes, as feminists we should be involved in addressing what some may be stressing are the more 'serious' issues to hand but I believe that such 'smaller' issues are also of importance.
The fact I have discussed the implications of being a feminist wanting to get married was because of it traditionally being at odds with equality. I think entering discourse as to why and how we can label a marriage as feminist is an example of tackling a small piece of the bigger picture. Deciding to be part of an equal marriage, or keeping 'Ms' rather than 'Mrs' may not be deemed radical or indeed important steps in the big scheme of things, but I believe that it's not always about these grand gestures. What would be the point of my attending rallies, signing petitions or squashing gender stereotypes in my lessons, for instance, if I then didn't examine the things closer to heart and address the potentially gendered mechanisms at work there? I do perhaps agree with those that groan at feminists who are arguing the point that wearing make-up because it isn't deemed feminist. I applaud those like Jessica Valenti who delves deeper in saying that 'yes I wear make-up' but acknowledges the connotations and issues around doing so (see Full Frontal Feminism) because there is the element of critical engagement in her thought.
My basic point here is that I don't see why the stress needs to be consistently on such visible, bigger feminist actions. Why can't we do both? I write about being a feminist and getting married but at the same time I am completing research on gender in mentoring relationships. I believe that the personal can still be political. If there are those who say it cannot then I will merely continue to address both.
Labels: blogs, feminism, marriage, personal is political
posted by Laura @ 4:10 AM
5 Comments:
There might be a lot written about feminism and marriage here, there and everywhere; but like you say, it doesn't make it any less important to address your own reasoning and choices. In fact, having a diverse range of feminists discussing their motivations could be useful and interesting to people trying to form their own opinions on the subject.
I think someimes people miss out on the fact the there are a lot of people out there who haven't fully decided what their opinions are, who are just tentatively dipping their toes into feminism to test the water and being to learn, who are open to change, or who stumble across and article or blog post about a issue they've never even thought about before. Reading about it is a catalyst for critical thought about their own situation.
Few people want to read about the same thing over and over, and you don't have to! Turn the page, close your browser, whatever - but encourage debate and critical thought by and for those who want to find out more about this (or any other well discussed topic).
I see your point, totally - I don't have a problem as such with things like marriage being written about but I was writing about it in the context of my post about infighting - what's annoyed me about a lot of posts on marriage recently is that they have seemed to degenerate into arguments about what the 'proper feminist' way to do it is - church or not, white dress or not, 'giving away' the bride and who should do it/whether it should be done at all - rather than achieve much. That was the point I was trying to make. I don't think that marriage is an unimportant issue at all - I'm married myself and obviously considered a lot of issues surrounding it at the time.
TP - Completely agree. I think the encouragement and support of critical thought is vital in feminism. Regardless of the issue to hand.
Hannah - Sorry if I did miss your initial point, I was using your quote as a springboard and towards the end I did veer away from the main focal so please don't think that all the points were focused at what you had said. I see what you mean about infighting amongst feminists; this is something which keeps being raised online and in the press. Whilst I think infighting in the actual sense of the word fighting (such as just pure bitchiness to each other or directed hate) amongst feminists is completely out of hand, I support (for want of a better word) infighting in the sense of engaging with different viewpoints and debates. Being critical is good. So yes, I agree with you that one person saying to another "this is what a feminist marriage/wedding IS" is not getting us anywhere but people approaching it from a "this could be feminist because..." is actually creating a critical, and worthwhile, discussion.
My apologies though if I completely took your comment out of context, let me know if you think I did. I'll edit the post to reflect that as I really enjoy reading your blog and would have hated to have misquoted you!
No worries, don't worry about editing it or anything :) I just wanted to clarify the context. I definitely agree that while infighting is a bad thing, engaging with each other about different viewpoints is good. When I wrote the post I was angry because of how a CiF post on the state of feminism today had presented things - the comments had ended up being an argument over stuff like make up and weddings with people dropping in smirking comments to the effect of 'see, all these silly women ever do is argue about clothes and makeup - and they think they can change the world. This is why feminism will never get anywhere!' On the other hand, for example, I thought that all the discussion over Ellie Levenson's new book has been fraught with arguments but at the same time really interesting and productive.
By the way, my husband was looking at your piece on marriage in my copy of Subtext and said he thought I should blog about our marriage in the context of my feminism!
You so should blog about it, I would certainly be up for reading about it!
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