Rape, Parenthood and Loneliness...(or why everyone should be a feminist)

Last week I attended a local 'Reclaim the Night March' and made a poster detailing some of the claims made about who/what is to blame for rape (e.g. alcohol, clothing...women generally) with the point made that it's not any of these things, rapists are obviously to blame. I got into a conversation about this poster after the march and the point was made that rape was not a feminist issue, men were also raped and that, more broadly, feminism was basically pointless. I'm no idiot. I know that rape victims can be men as well as women. But concerning rape there's two issues which, for me, demonstrate why we need feminism:

1) the disproportionate amount of women being raped or sexually assaulted suggests that something about societal views towards women needs to change. For example, according to the ONS (2009/10, 2010/11 and 2011/12 average) the percentage of males who were a victim once or more of a sexual offence in the last 12 months stood at 0.4% and for females 2.5%. Statistics such as these lend weight to arguments which suggest that we increasingly live in a rape culture, a society in which the sexualisation of women dominates.

2) the under-reporting of rape when men are the victim (demonstrated by the difference when comparing police-reported statistics and victim surveys). Again, we might trace this issue to the issue more broadly of societal attitudes concerning women/men. It could be that men do not wish to come forward due to societal views concerning how men should be/be seen, therefore suggesting societal views need to change.

So, feminism, for me, is the fight against gender inequality, which men can also be disadvantaged by. I thought of this again when listening to Radio 4's Women's Hour yesterday when they were discussing motherhood and loneliness. Someone raised the point about fathers often being side-lined in such discussions because women are still predominantly the primary carer of children in the first year or so. Again, we have evidence of why feminism continues to be relevant. We live in a society where, despite some acceptance of alternatives, women are generally still socialised and stereotyped into the position of the primary care giver (regardless of whether they work or not). But this may in turn impact on the experiences of men who are the primary carer. What we need then is a move away from this gendering of roles which is where feminism becomes important.

Motherhood

So on the 10th May at 11:26AM we welcomed into the world Islay Rosa and here we are just over eight weeks later. It's been a bit of a blur with sleep deprivation, lots of learning curves and plenty of emotions going on. For the first few weeks I carried on tutoring and did some exam marking...PhD completely on hold. One of my supervisors when I said I could catch up on PhD work whilst on mat leave warned me that my brain would turn to mush and I didn't believe her at the time but I really get that now. Even typing this is a struggle but this is what I need to start doing, writing again. So for the meantime this blog can help me in doing so.

And here they are then, some initial thoughts on motherhood (and yet another angle for this blog to incorporate...)

Suffering from the Gender Blues (or Pinks)
Before Islay was born I was adamant that as far as possible we'd avoid overly stereotypical gendering with things like clothing and toys. This was helped by the fact we did not find out her sex whilst I was pregnant, meaning people were limited in terms of buying things to stuff that was neutral. And then wham! Islay was born, the pink clothing gifts streamed in and I was almost getting used to dressing her along these lines. But now she's getting bigger and I'm actually getting the time to buy/chose some of her clothing myself we're trying to get away from the pinks and 'girly girly' clothing. But then today, Islay was mistaken for a boy TWICE and I got kind of upset. Why would this upset me so much? In some twisted way do I associate girls with being 'pretty' and I was upset that my baby was seen as boyish, read: cute but not 'pretty' cute? Even saying it like that sounds kind of silly! But reality is, people look for cues when it comes to babies when determining if they're a girl or a boy and the biggest cue is clothing (especially since babies lack hair!) Typical I would get upset over people not immediately knowing Islay was a girl based on her clothing when in a weird way that was the very thing I was probably trying to achieve.

Identity Issues
The most difficult thing for me so far (aside from the lack of sleep) has definitely been regarding my identity. I've found it really difficult because in a way I've become 'Islay's mum' and lost other aspects of myself. I struggled with this loads but I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that these other aspects are not lost, just having to take a backseat for a while. And I'm trying to get little bits back here and there. I think it's been particularly hard as I've always been that person who took too much on and enjoyed being under pressure. It's a completely different change of pace which I've found really hard. But I'm starting to relax into this new life and keep reminding myself that I am 'doing' plenty even though it might not feel that way at the end of each day. Plus, whilst I don't want it to be my only identification, being 'Islay's mum' is by far the best one and my love for motherhood (and her) grows by the day. So here's to plenty more motherhood (+feminist +academic) blogging in the future! <3

The Guardian - Women

Feminist discussions and awareness of gender issues over at The Guardian just seems to be getting better and better. This week Jessica Valenti published her first column on the female confidence sham and there's also an interesting piece on Everyday Sexism and The Vagenda.

Transgender in India

Was good to read yesterday that transgender people will now be able to identify themselves as such on official documents in India. Their plight is something I look at with my anthropology students in the context of the socially constructed nature of gender. Unpacking the concept of gender in anthropology, or sociology for that matter, always demonstrates just how deeply embedded particular ideas are in society and amongst my students. Generally students are quite quick to accept when I say that gender is nothing more than a constructed set of beliefs about how we expect females and males to be. But sometimes that acknowledgement is very basic and they will continue to question some suggestions of things being based on gender, rather than sex. Looking at the idea of transgender brings to light their confusions between sex and gender, but their confusion over the association between sex, gender and sexuality. Even though they might understand that some men and women are gay, they seem to not be able to apply this fluidity in sexuality to those that are transgender. They will always ask the question "but if they're trans then do they want to be with men or women?" and on knowing, in the case of Hijras specifically which we look at, that they will have relationships with men there will be a confusion, maybe even slight disgust at this idea. If anything I guess this further supports that gender and sexuality itself is complex. At the very least, I hope unpacking gender in subjects like mine helps the students in beginning to think outside our traditionally held ideas.